Silent Tears Of Pride ...

Accept what you must accept,

Endure what you must endure,

Change what you must change,

And let go of what you must let go.

Hello ... What's your address?

Sorry dear ... I don't know wor ... but then I've never underestimate my kai lui's resilience and walala ... she found it ... hahaha ... double thumbs up dear !!

Have been having difficulty writing this blog after more then 13 months 'cos my cursor kept disappearing and I can't get back to the writing. Don't really understand why ... and I've been trying this post for the 5th time now!!! Kek sei ar !!

Reading my last post ... it was a rainy day and you know what?! It is very, very dark outside now and it's only 3 noon... huh ... I guess I really like the rain but please no storm ...

For this difficult revival ... I think this one should be a short one .. just for starters ! I'll go and have my chrysanthemum and ginseng tea first

*-*

August 26, 2008

Lonely Journey

Decided to blog ... since it was raining ... I love the rain!! Hopefully, the hot season is gone now ! Really can't believe that it was soooooo long ago since I last blogged and was sad to read my 'toe dai's' predicament and stress at her work place.

Hey (?!) how come my 'scripts' are different and I can't seem to get this presentation right??? Frustrating but go on la .. since I wanna yak .. otherwise my 'writing skills' will be lost soon!!! Luckily, once a week still can practise fingers tai chi.

Finally, my kwai chai has decided to go to Kangaroo's Land by year-end but he is taking along all my coffin money too and the beauty is - he knows about it!! Never ever asked me how I'll survive or where I'll be eh?! Well it sure is a lonely journey for him and me !! So in this lifetime is this how it should end?

About my last few months (since March '08 that is..) - well, I attended a workshop on 'Counselling' in July and a course in I-Ching in August. Both courses are ...... so so lo .. Really wanted to travel but with all the turmoil around and what with all these weather inclement .. sigh ... better to hang around home .. Anyway, I am no longer comfortable travelling alone too. Actually, I like to travel very much but with compatible companions - no one around anymore.

Celebrations Of Sorts....

Wow!!! More than a month since the last blog. M'sia's 12th General Election came and gone and what shocking results. Seems the beginning of the chinese zodiac (Rat) cycle sees all 'Oppositions' winning BIG !! Not only in M'sia but Taiwan as well .... hehehe.... As for M'sia, I believe more exciting things to come.

More than a month since my last blog. Much has happened but then not that much... Same old problems unresolved ... But things should be heading toward an end now that the OM has changed all his correspondence address to the slut's address. As it is now, he has been taking out his shirts one by one secretly ... what a gentleman !!! It is true... should not let the thing fester and I should get on with it to end it once and for all... !!!

Got me self a part-time job as a recruiter for an employment agency. Better start again to earn some bread and butter given the chance. At the same time, also hoping to contribute to society by volunteering to do up the library catalogue system for Kinrara Metta Buddhist Society (KMBS) and a once a week counselling service at the Befrienders for the depressed or suicidal!!! The library thingy should be ok - a matter of going to BGF for 'training' but the Befrienders - aha... anyway go for the preview first and then decide !!

Haha... finally confronted the OM and he has agreed to the divorce. Have to make appointment with lawyer to do the documentation then.

Well, can now call it a day liao....

New beginning for me then...

BEAUTIFUL & MEANING WISHES...

During the 2008 CNY & Valentine received the following messages from friends which I wish to share with all ...

(1) LOVE comes NOT because we do GREAT things but
because we do SMALL things with GREAT LOVE !

Be filled with LOVE everyday !!


(2) A Deva once asked the Buddha :-

a) What is good even when one is old?

b) What is good when established?

c) What is human's most precious treasure?

d) What is hard for thieves to steal?


The Blessed One answered :-

i) Morality is good even when one is old.

ii) Faith is good when established.

iii) Understanding is human's most precious treasure.

iv) Merit is what is hard for thieves to steal.



(3) A journey of a thousand miles MUST begin with a single step.

Just to record these messages sent to me and am real grateful to receive them...

Today is the 13th Day of CNY 2008 (Rat) and received news that Shum Tin Ha (Fei2 the Hong Kong personality) passed away this morning. During the recent CNY programme it was reported by her daughter that she was recuperating well and now she's gone!

Life is so uncertain. Therefore, one must make the most of everyday. One can only plan so much and most of us take life for granted. What the sages said are really true !! Don't waste time - do something meaningful everyday - be grateful for each day !!!

Had a pack of abalone noddle for breakfast - portion was right for me and added some chinese cabbage to make soup... yummy... Thank my kei lui for the thoughtful gift ...

Have decided to make the old cucumber soup and try the herb 'n cheese chicken today. Decided to cook for self from now onwards. Really don't need to be like a beggar looking after ungrateful & insensitive people who take you for granted and getting upset. Bad for emotional health - very bad !!! Must also practise to 'see through' and 'ignore' !! Yeah... I CAN do it !!! Yeah...yeah...yeah...

Had 'Lo Sang' yesterday @ Ru Ee Restaurant, Taman OUG, I think. Fren had toothache and I had stomach-ache!! Goodness gracious !!!

Then today received call from lo yaw kei - wanna do 'Lo Sang' before Chap Goh Mei!!! Hahaha.... must be the fuel price increase!! Everybody wants to do things last minute !! See lah....

February 15, 2008

Phewww.....Year Of The Rat - 2008

Never underestimate proverbs, e.g., 'Time Flies' ... literally it just means that !!!

Has been months since my last posting - what with streamyx giving problems and most of all my impatience at the 'wait' time.

Had my house's roof tiles replaced, painted the external walls beige, had the 'garden' levelled up and japanese grass re-planted, re-located the TV 'station' and my living hall seating arrangement re-arranged. Whew.... lots to take on and hopefully this change of 'feng shui' will 'assist' in the selling of the house !!! If not than at least I can continue to stay here harmoniously and peacefully without the old man bringing back negative energy !!!

My kuai lui returned from the States and all in all we've got together for less than 5 times. Just imagine that !! Got my 'Coach' handbag from Bee and a wristlet from Larry as birthday presents...wah... seed pun lor... hehehehe.... My kuai lui gave me a a miniature set of cartier perfumes - very nice and thoughtful of her. As for my kuai chai... well, he took leave on my birthday which was a huge surprise to me to have lunch with me. In the end, we went to the 'Gardens' at Mid-Valley together with Bee and Bel. Had Thai food which was so so lah... nothing exciting.

Bee left earlier for a dinner appointment with her Honkie friends. So the 3 of us went for a chinese movie ... forgotten the name now - aiy getting old. After the movie, we went to Chilli and bought supper for poh poh - Tequila fish or something. Kuai chai 'belanja' the movie and meals... fatt dat liao...

My brother-in-law, Ah Lek (E-Ko's hubby) went to China to have the kidney transplant just before CNY. Op was successful and they came back on Feb 11, 2008 (5th Day CNY) but was admitted to SJMC on Feb 13 as the stitches came off !!! OM 'invited' me to visit him on Feb 14 (Valentine's Day... how cute of him...) - apparently, Ah Lek 'took leave' from SJMC to pray to Ti Kong (9th Day CNY) and after the prayers @ midnight will be 're-admitted'. Pray, he recovers soon. Lots of scary stories I heard about the kidney transplant in China.

Had reunion dinner at my house and I gave Rahimah the sharks fins and fish maw to cook. Wah... this year I was short on the 'any-paus' man !!! Have to rush upstairs to replenish ... hehehehe... Did not get any any-pau packets this year until Bee gave me some (from Kwan Inn Teng) on the 4th day of CNY. Still received well-wishes from lots of friends...very grateful I have these good karmic affinities !! Sadhu, Sadhu, Sadhu.

First Day of CNY (Feb 7, 2008) went to Banting like a long lost child.... All of 16 years since I last visited !! Siblings and cousins treated me like a 'guest-of-honour' - which they said so too !!! Hahahahaha.... Had lunch and definitely dinner which is our Cantonese custom. Lots of changes in Banting though. Can't really recognise the place now. From Banting went to Bukit Tinggi to gave mom-in-law her 'hamper' - forgot to gave her the night before. OM left for Klang @ 11.00 pm and came back around 5.00 am.

Second Day of CNY (married daughters to visit maternal family) - thought the OM will give me problems as usual but surprisingly he woke up early !! Oops .. actually I forgot that he was hoping to visit Aunty early and then can go down early to be with his slut. Anyway, as the day wore on ... his face was getting blacker !!! Sent Kathy back and also took the opportunity to see how to tie the 6 bronze coins to ward off negative energies for all south facing house this year !!! Reached home almost 8.30 pm and the OM took his bath and rush off.

Oh... I am very happy that I now know what are butter-lamps !! I just love the smell ... hehehe....

Just knew 2 days ago that my ex-colleagues will 'Lo Sang' with me this Saturday (Feb 16, 2008 & 10th Day). My kai chai will also help me to buy my tea-lights and will fei his gf and have dinner with me. Very, very kuai ... no regrets having this kai chai ... hahahahaha....

Today finally sent off the email to a Ms. Barbara regarding the Parenting Workshop for Kinrara Metta Buddhist Society. Hope to receive her reply soon on the meeting-up.

Lots to write but have forgotten most of it. Ken just told me that he's upgrading the streamyx and I hope the connection will be much better.

I think I need to buy a printer ...

Crystal Oil...... - Saturday, November 24, 2007

Was very busy playing with jelly balls (for plants) and most happy with the crystal oil lamp for my altar. Well, first of all the jelly balls. I bought 2 packs of whites, 1 pack of red (turned orange when soaked) and 1 pack of purple (turned blue ... sigh....). Soaked all of them and was really fun (stressed more like it as every now and then .... I'll put my fingers in and watch them 'grow' round ... hehehehe...) playing with them ! I also bought 6 stalks of the now 'in' five claws dragon bamboo plant - one word - BEAUTIFUL !!!

As for the crystal oil lamp - I saw the plastic version at my sister's place. She told me that nowadays, people use crystal oil (smokeless) so that the ceiling won't turn yellow or black wor... So I bought her logic wholesale ... but I don't think so lor.... I think it still emit smoke !! Anyway, I don't like plasticky things and then I saw this cute crystal lamp and was hooked !!! Now I am also using crystal oil but.... frankly, I have always like oil lamps - don't know why... so no regrets.

Today is the Lunar Calendar 10th month Full Moon (15th) day and I have been calm all day. Recently, during one of the Dhamma talks I attended, it was said that every month when the new moon comes on, a person's energy/emotions will ebb and when it is the full moon - it will surge (!!!) /overflow/explode !!! OMG I really believe it because I have the experience and at that time I don't understand why !! Now I know better. I also hope I can do my meditation ....

Surprise, surprise !! Got a call from an old colleague and it has really been a long time since I last heard from him. Going to meet up tomorrow with other friends too !! Yipee !!! Never realise I was always 'so busy' during my working life that I don't seem to have time for 'friends'.. now I know better ! That's why it's a real joy when friends come a-visiting !!

My kwai chai is having his monthly 'period' again (bad hair day??!!!) and I just ignored him !! Previously, I'll be fuming inside but now (still fumed a bit) arggh... let it be lah !! Like father like son !!! Came to a conclusion. Both these men do not know how to APPRECIATE !!!! Huh ...!!!
Never mind... it's their loss, right??? Aha... wisdom coming (to me) ... yeah...yeah...yeah...

Finally, finished my listing of the Dhamma books for the centre. Wah... my ex-colleague really look me up eh! Ask me to be a committee member to organise a Dhamma Talk ! Wah lau eh... what do I know about all these event thingy????? He said I have the experience wor... Aiy? Hello?? Just because I used to organise corporate trainings/meetings, etc., doesn't mean I know how to organise 'Dhamma Talks' !!! More so when it involves a prominent speaker like Datuk And I was so gung-ho ... I said.......let's form a committee first and meet !!! Well, never say 'die' ok??!!! The 'talk' is scheduled to be in January 2008 - wah... he really trust me to meet deadlines because he has seen it all these years !!! Trouble is - I am getting on mah.... energy level not so strong already !! hehehehehe.......but .... once the adrenaline gets pumping ... hmmm... feeling good... feeling good....

Sigh... mountain of laundry to iron.... and so sleepy.... wanted to read Bhante Suvanno's Part II of the 31 Planes of Existence !!! Go hang the ironing !!! The men can wear pandan leaves for all I care !!! Moreover, tomorrow kai kai.... hehehehe.... yipee !!

Snoozzzzzzzzeeeeeeeee.........